How we know you

Recently a friend told me about the death of a classmate who was living four states away. I was shocked to hear of the death, so the friend sent me to the e-obituary on a newspaper's website. I did check that out and read every word of the medium-length article offering details about the person in question.

"I didn't know she had three middle names, " I said to myself. So I re-read the obituary a second time more carefully, looking for additional "new" details. There were none. Satisfied that this was the person I was looking for, I completed an online condolence for the family.

Since I was already on the obituary webpage, I nosily scrolled through the other listings. I didn't think there'd be anyone else I knew in that far-off community, but I was captivated by the names.

There were variations of first names included, like Vinny, Jeff, Dotty and Louie. There were maiden names given for clarity, like Oswald, Stephens, Bright and Dewey. For a few juniors or III's, the articles included "Butch" or "Chip" to indicate which person had died.

But then there were the fun names given as a name in quotes between the first and last names. For example, Ray "Turtle" Smith or Mary "Peaches" Brown. There were many nicknames, like "Torchy," "Pookie," "Cherry," "MuuMuu," "Snookie," "KP" and "Tooty," to name a few.

Yes, it's those nicknames in the obituary that say how we knew you. Past tense. Yet a nickname like "Torchy" has an ongoing, timeless, present tense quality. "Torchy" is one of those rarer individual names compared to conventional names like Mary, Robert or John. There are lots of Marys, Roberts and Johns in the world, but how many Torchys are there?

From the Latin "obire," or ob meaning "down" and ire meaning "to go," death is a departure, and the obituary is one of the sendoffs. Isn't it great to make it memorable by saying how we knew you?

[Nancy Linenkugel is a Sylvania Franciscan sister and chair of the department of Health Services Administration at Xavier University, Cincinnati Ohio.]